


A Place in His Heart

by shslshark



Category: Kuroshitsuji, Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: M/M, More Chapters to Come, SebaCiel - Freeform, Total nerds, cuties being cute, dumb angst, lots of fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 12:44:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2812433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shslshark/pseuds/shslshark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian's heart was always cold, that's how it worked with demons. He didn't feel, didn't fear, didn't love. </p>
<p>That is, until Sebastian's heart beat for the first time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yo yo yo
> 
> IF ANYONE HAS A BETTER TITLE IDEA P L E A S E SEND IT
> 
> This is the first chapter of this story so feel free to stick around for the next chapter 
> 
> That summary is trash but I couldn't think of anything else. 
> 
> SO HERE ENJOY
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL

Ciel's had these dreams before. Many times, in fact. They weren't nice dreams, far from them. But they weren't nightmares, not monsters from a child's imagination coming out to play during the darkest of hours. No, definitely not nightmares. 

These dreams were worse.

They might as well not be dreams anymore, they were so livid, so alive. These dreams taunted him, shoving things in his face that he wanted so badly but knew he could not have. 

The dreams were reoccurring, inhabiting his thoughts like a virus, eating away at his happiness, his joy, or at least what was left of it. They were horrifying, tragic, repulsive, and yet Ciel was so attracted to them that just the very thought of moving any closer to what he wanted made him sick.

Every single dream was hell.

The dreams varied too, not always the same scenario. Settings changed from balls to the dinner hall to the very back of the garden, but indeed each one about the same thing. The thing that crawled from the darkest depths of the underworld to come and wreck the pureness of the innocent. The very thing that saw him as prey, and it the hunter. 

He had called on this monster, and now it was reaching into the places he thought he would never have been able to take. He thought his head was a safe, his stoic expression and seemingly careless words the one thing it wouldn't be able to crack, yet somehow, here it was. 

Ciel had no one but himself to blame for letting it in.

It wasn't so much of an it as a he, and this he had so much impact on him that he felt like he was getting smashed by all the emotions he had kept hidden in a forbidden closet, locked with a lost key. 

This he that had come into Ciel's life, this he that he needed, wanted, craved so badly that it hurt, had changed him. 

And in his opinion, it was not for the better.

Ciel was drinking poison, soaking up cyanide, lapping it up like it was all his body ever asked for. It sucked, it tasted awful, yet he was addicted, much like one was addicted to smoking, or alcohol. It was exactly what he didn't want, but needed nonetheless. 

He was in love with hell. 

And every dream reminded him of it.

This mirage of silky pictures was different than the rest, not as common of a setting as they usually were. Ciel was in an unfamiliar place, dark, a shot of thunder rumbling in his head. His temples pounded repeatedly, and he tested his arms and legs.

They both worked, and he rose from the chair he was resting in, but firm hands pushed him back down. They were clad in white, elegantly long fingers gripping his shoulders. He allowed them to lower him till he was sitting once more.

"Young master," the purr of a voice came through the black, smooth, velvet. The words and strikingly hot breath tickled his ear. "You seem tense."

"Oh," was all Ciel seemed to be able to mutter. His mind was frazzled, confused. He had learned by now not to give in to these dreams, to try and awaken from them before things got out of hand, before he was lost to the being behind him. He should have been able to snap up, suddenly alert, and lay back down before attempting to drift off again but failing. But here he was, stuck in this void, where nothing and everything was real.

The pressure on his shoulders was getting stronger, as though the man behind him was shifting his weight so that he was in front. 

There he was.

Dark raven hair framed a perfect face, pale skin covered in shadows from the room, making it seem longer, his cheekbones carved from ivory. His eyes were calm, alluring, seductive even. They glowed red, the color seeping into Ciel's mind as if it was a lesson that must be learned. 

This was what tormented Ciel to the breaking point of sanity.

"How may I help in a way to relieve you of such stress tension?" he said, tilting his head, a cat ready to pounce on the mouse sitting helplessly. The odd thing was, Ciel wasn't helpless. If he wanted, he could stand, find the doors, and walk out, and the other would have no choice but to let it happen. If he was so untied, yet so useless in such a time, how could he be expected to guard the queen? To be her ever watchful scout? He was the dog, and dogs should not be scared of cats. 

"I don't know," he responded, trying to keep the nervousness itching up his throat from flowing out of his voice. "How do you see fit to do such a task?"

"Possibly, a massage, my lord? Or perhaps some tea." There was something he was hiding, something else in his tone that was suggesting that he didn't want Ciel to answer with such petty things. 

"I do believe you have something else in mind? I'm tired of tea," his monotone sound came out barely more than a whisper. 

"As long as my lord is in no danger, I shall abide by his wishes. However, what I have in mind may cause his alarms to go up."

"Is that so? Why don't we test that?"

"Such a tease..." The last word lingered, the candle casting long shadows across his face from his eyelashes. He wanted to both have those eyes that made him melt on him all the time, but he also wanted to painfully pluck each eyelash out of their sockets.

There was something cold pressed against Ciel's lips. He didn't even comprehend what it was before he pressed back. It was a pair of lips, frigid but ever so soft. They tasted of nutmeg, and vanilla, and the slightest hint of chocolate. All of his stress slowly drained away, the suffering of other dreams disappearing. In most cases, this was the easy part of the dream, the part that he longed for to happen before everything crumbled to dust and decay and brutality. This was the part that made falling asleep worth it.

It took him a moment to realize that the lips that belonged to his butler had disappeared.

Every night, every dream, every waking moment was haunted by this image of perfection.

The dreams that were worse than nightmares, so clear and concentrated that he could've sworn that he was actually there, were always about him.

"You can't keep dancing with the devil," the ghost of the other's lips were so close that if Ciel were to reach out and pull him in, he could have. They brushed his own, and he shivered. He hated this, he hated this so much and yet he NEEDED it, like it was oxygen, food, an everyday necessity that if he didn't receive he would die. "And wonder why you're still in hell."

The dream broke, glass shattered, something hit him hard, and the next thing he knew, he was awake. His breath came out in short bursts, his heart racing at the speed of light. In his panicky adrenaline he tried to stand, but fell off the bed and crashed into something. 

No, not something, for he never actually fell. In a half delirious state, he scrambled for purchase on anything he could find, and the closest things were the sheets. He reached out for them but was pulled away by some force he couldn't see yet. Being pulled by a someone, not a something.

"Young master! Are you alright?" A voice, so familiar, so close yet so far away, drifted towards him. He blinked, suddenly confused as to what had just happened.

He was in the air, being lifted by arms as strong as steel times ten. They were comforting, one hand resting on the side of his face, a black contract symbol tattooed on. His breath hitched. Hands, these hands. They were lovely...

He immediately calmed down, his breathing slowed by a lot. He leaned into this hand, unaware of his actions at this point as he came down from his high.

"What?" He mumbled in response to the question. "What happened?" 

"You leaped into the air and fell off the bed. I caught you before you could hurt yourself," his butler responded calmly. His voice held an amused tone, the same tone it always held, but it was hiding something. Ciel scoffed at this thought of hidden emotion and played it as a remembrance of the dream. Demons don't have feelings, and they certainly don't hide from their masters.

"Were you having a nightmare?"

The words jarred in his head. "No," he snapped. "It wasn't a nightmare." Which wasn't wrong, considering what he just had was nothing compared to a bad dream. In retrospect, he wished he could have dreamt of monsters scurrying across his feet and things pulling at his hair than having what he just experienced.

"Are you sure?" The ever so subtle demon pressed, making sure Ciel was telling the truth, even though he knew the boy wasn't.

"Yes," he snapped again. Sebastian began to put him down, and Ciel almost moved to stop him, but didn't. He tucked his master back into bed before slowly blowing out all the candles he had brought till only one was still burning. 

"Goodnight, my lord," he said before shutting the door behind him. Ciel listened to see any indication of if the man was coming back before breaking down and crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:
> 
> So so so what did you guys think
> 
> Kudos are great and comments to improve or opinions are fantastic
> 
> Love you guys
> 
> Stick around for the next chapter


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEW CHAPTER YOOOOOO
> 
> LEMME KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS THINK
> 
> ENJOY
> 
> I'm not gonna lie I don't feel like this chapter is as good as the first
> 
> BUT
> 
> I WILL MAKE UP FOR IT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER
> 
> Kudos make my day and comments on what you thought makes me so happy so if you guys could leave them that would be amazing
> 
> Alright guys, expect another chapter soon
> 
> Love you guys

Skilled fingers raced across the strings as a bow struck each chord effortlessly, moving so fluidly that it was as though the man playing had helped write the piece. He was certainly old enough to have. The violin was as old as the song itself, beaten and bruised, but Sebastian was talented enough to make it work like new again. It was one of his favorite things in the manor.

His favorite, that is, besides what now lay in pieces behind the door he leaned against. 

He wanted so badly to just throw the door open, to comfort the boy, to hold him in his arms till he fell into a once peaceful sleep. He had done it just a moment ago, surely Ciel wouldn't mind if he did it once more. But he couldn't. The order had never been spoken, therefore he would not act upon his impulse. The only reason he had even caught the boy was because the fall posed a physical danger, one that would harm his master if not prevented. 

It killed him to hear the sobs leak through the thin walls over the music. 

It killed him even more to know that he couldn't do a thing about it. 

The music wasn't for him. Sebastian didn't see much use in playing the violin at two in the morning. To him, it was a waste of time, and if there was one thing Sebastian couldn't stand, it was making a waste of something. He could have been doing work, straightening the manor and preparing it for the day to come, when Elizabeth would be arriving. 

Yet instead of his duties, he sat, a frown plastered on his face and a violin in his hands, playing like he would never stop for all he was worth. 

He knew why it needed to be done. After the first time he had watched Ciel dance to this instrument, Lizzy swinging in his arms, he saw how much it calmed him. He had stopped shouting, stopped stumbling, and stopped making a fool of himself with his dancing. He had relaxed, a look of relief when the music started washing over his face. Music was a sanctuary to Ciel, and if that was the only way the demon could comfort his little lord without being outright obvious, then Sebastian didn't mind the extra running around he would need to do come morning. 

His keen ears listened to the hiccups and cries the boy made, and each made him play a little faster, a little harder, and a little better. 

Sebastian was not oblivious to why Ciel was having such a hard time with this dream. Usually, when Ciel had a nightmare, he would call for Sebastian himself, and Sebastian would stop whatever he was doing and come to his side. There, he would stay till the earl fell back asleep, and he would leave, just as he was told. But as of late, whenever Ciel had a seemingly rough one, he would stay up in his bed, shivering, unable to close his eyes. 

Alone. 

He wouldn't cry out, he wouldn't shout the butler's name, nothing. Sebastian's only way of knowing that the boy had had such a dream was when he heard the steady beat of his heart quicken immensely, becoming louder than usual and pumping rapidly. He could detect the change from across the house, his unnaturally good hearing picking up on it right away.

Not that he listened to make sure the boy was sleeping alright.

No, not at all. 

Sebastian had become accustomed to these fitful nights, and he would pass by his master's room many times through the dark for no reason, making up excuses for himself to go by it. He would check in on him more often than usual, and would wait outside his door till the boy at least stopped breathing so heavily. 

Never once had it gotten so bad as tonight had, and never had Sebastian thought to play calming music to Ciel till he stilled. 

The sad thing was, Sebastian knew exactly why Ciel stopped yelling for him during such times. He knew why Ciel couldn't sleep at night, why he was so stressed and tired when the sun rose. He knew why he had started to push his butler away, the one person always there for him. 

Sebastian knew why because he had the same problem.

Sleep was a luxury. Contrary to popular belief, demons could sleep, and did when they had the chance. They didn't need it, but it was nice, the equivalent of taking a hot bath on a cold winter night. On particularly stressful days, Sebastian would get everything done early and go sleep for a couple hours in the room assigned to him. 

He had stopped doing this because Sebastian was plagued with the same demons Ciel was.

Only, his torture wasn't a demon.

His was human. 

He would wake up in a freezing sweat, cold, like someone on death row. His breathing would be quick, and his chest would suck ragged breaths in before shakily expelling them. He felt so weak, so weak that he didn't want to fall asleep ever again. 

It was so unlike his character to do so, his very being refused for his heart to pound in the way that it did. But these dreams did something to him that he wasn't able to handle. The real thing, that wasn't so bad. The real Ciel wasn't thrust into situations of intense feeling. In his dreams, however, he was, and Sebastian just wasn't able to handle that. It still amazed him that, after all the things he had been through in his life, this was what brought him to such weak states. So, to solve the problem, he stopped sleeping.

For Ciel, it wasn't so easy. 

Sebastian suddenly stopped playing, the sound of muffled sniffs bringing his attention back from his space out and in to his master. He pressed his ear against the door, listening closely. 

Ciel's heartbeat was back to normal, and a quiet snoring could be heard through the wood. Sebastian stood and brushed his clothes off, noting that an hour had gone by whilst lost in thought. He creaked the door open, glancing around.

The earl now lay in his bed, both eyes shut, sound asleep. Sebastian opened the door enough for him to slip through and came over to the side of his master. 

"Young master?" He breathed, barely making a sound in fear of stirring him. "Are you awake?"

Maybe his violin playing wasn't such a waste of time as he had once thought. 

Ciel moved, but did not open his eyes. His legs were splayed in such an uncomfortable looking position that Sebastian couldn't help but chuckle at it. He was used to seeing the lord in the most awkward positions, but it amused him every time he had the opportunity to see him in such ways. 

The butler brushed a few locks of blue-grey hair from the boy's face. He noted how young sleep made him look, the years of trouble disappearing from his complexion and an innocence replacing it. His cheeks were round, a little pudgy, and his eyelashes cast shadows onto them from the moonlight. 

Covering Ciel with the duvet he had kicked off in his frenzied panic, Sebastian pressed a silent kiss to his forehead, then left just as quietly as he had before. 

Sebastian knew fully well what he was up against. Emotion was not something that came easily to demon kind, it was something that was either earned or given as punishment. Any one demon could do it, the only difference was that it came harder for some, and easier for others. Sebastian had never had emotions before, never really understood what they were, why they existed. He always saw them as a setback, something that would keep him from his goals.

To be honest, almost all demons found it troublesome to develop them. It was frowned upon, therefore many demons tuned them out quite easily. In their culture, feelings were exactly what you didn't want. They shouldn't feel, shouldn't fear, shouldn't love. 

But that doesn't mean that they couldn't. 

To Sebastian, emotions would be his downfall, the thing that would kill him from the inside out. So he ignored them, keeping them locked away out of his mind. His heart didn't need the extra baggage that sadness and happiness and love brought. However, Sebastian had started to feel that these things wouldn't be so bad. 

Sebastian never realized that emotion would lead him to exactly what he wanted.

It was a human that did it, too, not an angel (which Sebastian was extremely thankful for, although, now that he thought about it, his form of affection did indeed come in the likes of an angel. A very... Grumpy, bossy, cake loving angel), not another devil such as he, but a fragile, tiny human. He didn't know how he could stoop to such a low tier, to crawl down to the ungodly status of being in love, but he had. 

And for some reason, he was okay with that. He was okay with everything Ciel flew his way, every unreasonable command that he never wanted to perform, every incoherent rant about some idiot that had gotten in the Phantomhive's way, every sigh and pout and the ever incredibly annoying yell of disdain. He didn't mind a single bit. He was happy with serving the earl, so long as it meant he could be close to him. So long as he was able to be by his side, Sebastian was content.

Such a change from when he first signed the contract. It was amazing how love turned the butler's thoughts from "I cannot believe I signed up for this" to "I actually enjoy the young master's company more than anything in the world."

The only thing he still pondered over while doing the dishes or washing laundry was the ever imposing question: how had he fallen in love in the first place?

Once outside, Sebastian closed the door and leaned against it, feeling his breathing jag in his lungs. He grabbed the violin from the floor and listened for the boy's soft, fluttering breath. It blew to him from inside as Sebastian moved to begin his duties, his own breathing becoming calmer once more. It would be much easier for him now to work twice as quickly without having to race by his master's room ever so often to see if the boy was still sleeping peacefully. 

Another sound came with Ciel's own, ticking like a pendulum. It wasn't coming from the boy, but rather a much closer source. It was right there, in his head. Sebastian couldn't figure out what it was, until he realized.

It was his own heart, beating in time with his master's.

It was his own heart calling out to the one it longed for.

**Author's Note:**

> So so so what did you guys think
> 
> Kudos are great and comments to improve or opinions are fantastic 
> 
> Love you guys
> 
> Stick around for the next chapter


End file.
